Undercover Atheist

Many of us atheists think it’s important to show believers that we’re friendly, affable people. It’s long been suggested that one of the best ways to end stereotypes about atheists is to “come out” and be open with believers about lack of belief - so I decided to put this idea to the test.

Last year, I was approached by a young man in the University of Illinois’ Business Instructional Facility, and was asked if I would like to join his Bible study group. I told him yes, I would like to, but that I’m an atheist, and if he or the other members wouldn’t be comfortable with that, it might be best if I didn’t. Naturally, he seemed a little surprised, but he took down my number, and asked me to come. I had two motives for joining: First, I wanted to put a friendly face on atheism. Second, I wanted to see how these particular Christians interpreted the Bible, and how they justified contradictions and violence in the text.

Of course, I understood that an atheist joining a Bible study group would be pretty controversial, so I made a few rules for myself upon joining. First, I would always be open about being an atheist - though I wouldn’t flaunt the title as if my lack of belief was superior to their religiosity. Second, I wouldn’t criticize anyone’s beliefs. To some this may sound like a rather restricted position, but it was the stance I was most comfortable with, and one of respect.

Although I had been a Christian until I was 17, by joining a Bible study I bit off a little more than I could chew. This wasn’t Bible "study", it was Bible worship. The history of Biblical texts is actually quite interesting, and how Jewish history and culture relates to some passages can be fascinating. However, what the group actually did was read passages and then discuss how they interpreted the reading, and how they could apply it to their lives. This gave me little room to contribute to discussions, because I'd have to presuppose the accuracy of the text in order to not sound like a complete jerk - which left me silent more often than not. In all, I joined two different Bible study groups over two semesters, and had relatively similar experiences in both. When I tell people this, I find it hard to explain that I was neither being disruptive nor was I secretly interested in returning to Christianity. I was looking for a unique experience, which is exactly what I found. The study groups were led by one person, who would lead the discussion and ask for other members' opinions. The main problem with the format of these groups was that when conflicting interpretations of the Bible arose, it was either ignored or blown off in some fashion. Although it would be impossible for Christians to all agree on the meaning of each passage of scripture, I think many don't speak out against the beliefs of others because they believe it would be disrespectful in some way. This stems from the "God is unknowable mentality that allows people with harmful beliefs to confirm their extremism with an "inerrant" source.

Being in a  Bible study group gave me an inside perspective on Christianity - though it was an admittedly awkward and generally uncomfortable one. Coming from the point of view of someone who was a Christian not so long ago, it was a good reminder of how easily people can fool themselves when they have the support of their peers. Some of you might think it would be amusing to see religious people hide behind a wall of irrationality - because it's true that figures like Brother Jed can be pretty comical at times. Seeing these students first hand, though, was truly sobering. It reminded me of religious friends I've lost, a community I'm no longer part of, and made me vividly recall a person I used to be. In the group around me, I saw the same unwavering faith I once knew. By the time we ended with prayer at one of the last spring meetings, though, I had begun to doubt anyone could walk freely out of Plato's Cave as I had done.

When I noticed two others in the group hadn’t bowed their heads, though, I knew I was wrong. As our eyes met, an incredible feeling came over me. At that moment, I knew there was hope. Hope that people can learn to think for themselves, hope that they can have the courage to stand out, but most of all, hope that those with blind faith can open their eyes and see again. Sometimes I wonder if those two students kept their heads raised for reasons other than mine - it's hard to tell for sure. Still, I like to think they were critical thinkers. Dreamers. Just normal people, with normal doubts. Perhaps more so than I - undercover atheists.